From Burnout To Breakthrough: A Journey In Freelance Art And Design [part 1]

(Google tells me I need to use this title, so that is what I’m going to do!)

These past couple of years have not been what I expected,
but that’s not necessarily a bad thing!

For quite a few years I had a clear idea of where I wanted to take my surface pattern design career— License designs, sell products, get a website off the ground, start a blog (::wink::), open an etsy shop, etc.— but after the holiday season of 2022, it all felt different. I felt tired... more than the end-of-season tired…

I was burned out.

For several years, straight, I had been painting regularly… creating products, emailing potential licensors, reaching out to possible collaborators, creating collections, and working through new ideas. Turning those ideas into tangible items is fun, and I was able to see some success in my fledgling business, but all of that is also exhausting, and I hit a wall… emotionally, creatively, and physically.

Creativity is constant problem solving. In addition to that, one can’t simply be an artist nowadays. We also need to be a social media manager, a content creator, our own personal assistant, your our own brand promoter/hype-person. We spend countless hours creating a new product/design/painting and working the creative thought process to develop good, fleshed-out work, only to spend more hours creating videos for Instagram, photographs for emails, and composing emails to potential licensors, buyers, and retailers.
It. Is. A. Lot. (But hang with me… things are looking up!)

The main thing about being a full-time artist, though, is that I have to make sure I’m also creating income. All of that work needs to translate into a paycheck because, as much as I love what I do, it is still technically my job. Our society has built that hustle culture… to create more work, come up with new ideas, post more social media posts, attend more shows… Be more… Do more.
But at the expense of what?

All of those things took a toll on my body and my mental health.

After the holiday season of 2022, I began going back to therapy. Therapy isn’t a new thing for me, and I am of the opinion that everyone should find someone to talk to at least once or twice a year. You may be surprised at how much it can help. It definitely was something I needed at that point. Now I feel much more well-adjusted and have since paused my sessions, but I knew at that point I needed to make some changes and address some emotions.

A diagnosis…

During those sessions, I received an ADHD diagnosis. (Technically A.D.D., but it is all under the same umbrella now.) It was a long time coming, really. There had been suspicions/questions when I was a child, but the doctors didn’t have all of the information then that they have now. It was primarily thought to be diagnosed in only boys, and only small children. My doctor was (incorrectly) of the opinion that I had already developed all of my coping skills and treatment would not help.

Now, I know there are different areas of thought
on adhd treatment, and I’m not here to get into all of that… I simply want to share my story. And my story is this:

That diagnosis has completely reframed how I see my entire life. There is now a lens through which I view my memories, schooling, early adulthood… artwork, career choice (or lack thereof), college (and why I just could NOT finish it)… all of it.

I was beginning to grasp why I am the way I am, and why I work the way I do, which brings me to my point: hello, hyper-fixation/burnout cycle!

This has all given me a framework for understanding my quirks like forgetting to eat or shower, and why sometimes I turn to food for a dopamine rush. It has helped me seek out tools for managing symptoms and emotions (enter Rejection Sensitivity Disorder)

One of the biggest takeaways? I now have more grace for myself.
Grace with younger me who could not understand why sometimes she just couldn’t cope.
And, if I’m honest, why I still need to have that same grace with myself even now, because there are still a lot of days when I struggle to even complete basic chores.

[read part 2 here]